The Twelve Days Of Christmas
Published on Sunday 9th December 2007
(With a political slant)
 On the first day of Christmas for Gordon Brown I’d dream
Of filling his stocking with soap, shampoos and cream
Carter and Bond  can supply them all it would seem
On the second day of Christmas on Dave Cameron I would bestow
A Thesaurus so he could change some of those phrases we ALL know
And I think Hatchards would be just the place to go
On the third day of Christmas, Clegg or Huhne which would it be?
I am sure any gift for them should be additive free
Abel and Cole’s organics would be received with glee.
On the fourth day of Christmas I’d remember that man Blair
You know the one I mean, all teeth and hair,
I’ve found the perfect book on Amazon for him
It’s called Ghost by Robert Harris about an old PM
On the fifth day of Christmas for Darling what could be better
Than a pair of cufflinks for the Chancellor of the Exchequer
And Argents Bull and Bear cufflinks just hit the target
For the man in charge of our financial market
On the sixth day, Harriet Harman what might she need?
Some thank you cards or maybe a pen with which to plead
So off we go to Smythsons – no that’s not ironic
It’s just that their fountain pens are really supersonic
On the seventh day of Christmas I’ve really got a challenge
That Kent Brushes
 might be able to manage
Good old Boris Johnson, the one that would be Mayor
But not unless he does something about that crazy hair
On the eighth day of Christmas Santa always calls
On Ministers Yvette Cooper and husband Ed Balls
Housing and Children it must be some Lego
Good old Harrods toyshop is where they must go
On the ninth day of Christmas Lembit Opik has a yen
For some Cheeky music to play in his Christmas den,
So off to Apple for a new nano what colour could be had
In honour of his Czech I suppose it should be plaid
On day ten we should look for something bright and choose
New footwear for Theresa May – Emma Hope or Jimmy Choos
Day eleven and we are nearly at the end
It is to John Lewis that I would send,
For George Osborne a calculator would be good
So he can work out how to be our own Robin Hood
On the twelfth day of Christmas to Parliament I’d donate
Vans full of Christmas cheer and mince pies on a plate
From Fortnum and Mason as one thing I’d say
I wouldn’t swap places with them on any day!
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