Indulgence & Decadence for The HMM...

High Maintenance Mummy is 35, but doesn't mind pretending to be 38, in order to draw admiring comments on how good she looks for her age. She and banker hubby have a blissful marriage, helped only by the odd shot of botox, weekly wine deliveries and his bank balance.

They have 3 children, Ned, Bronte and Matilda, and live in a Georgian terrace in a highly desirable neighbourhood. HMM's interests include yoga, gossip with the girls and blaming everything on the au pair. Tune in monthly for her unique guide to parenting.

The Ocado van came this morning bearing various goodies and now, at 11am, I’m on my third Duchy shortbread. Such indulgence! Such decadence! And no beseeching brown eyes (or tantrums) begging me for just one more.

As heavenly as it would be to scoff the lot before the little darlings get home from school – and if I hid them in the au pair's room no one would be any the wiser - I must dust the crumbs from my new mani and banish the biscuits to the cupboard; there's no way the clinic would be able to squeeze me in for a slimming body wrap before my deliveries start arriving tomorrow and heaven forbid, I certainly don’t want to be the one doing the squeezing.

Yes, with the angels back at school (we can call them angels now they’re back) it’s time for all HMMs ‘High Maintenance Mummies’ to reclaim the WiFi for the pursuit of all things fabulous. Well let’s be brutally honest for a moment – it will be half term before we know it so time is of the essence...

First stop: Net A Porter, where the jewel-bright colours and slinky silk jersey of Issa frocks jostle for attention with DVF’s never-fail wrap dresses (the best selection of these is at Matches). Well, fabulous we may be, but babies (and contraband biscuits) mean that a little help is always appreciated, and these lovelies are as forgiving as they come, so grab a few of each.

The end of summer holidays heralds the end of warm weather (I know it wasn’t particularly warm here but I still boast the vestiges of my South of France tan!) so it’s time to layer, and in what other than cosy cashmere?

As the SheerLuxe A/W trend report will testify, a loosely belted cashmere cardi is nothing short of essential this season, so hot foot it over to Brora and / or Pure (this big button coat pictured is darling).

Of course, it’s also time for a new A/W bag, courtesy of Anya Hindmarch of course. My choice? The Cooper in black, capacious enough to carry everything I might need when walking darling little Matilda in the park, yet oh so utterly, sumptuously stylish.

Vertiginous heels are essential in any HMM’s wardrobe but teetering around the park is simply not a good look, no matter how gazelle-like one’s legs look, so a stockpile of ballet flats is in order. Cue a visit to French Sole – who said flats couldn’t be ultra-feminine?

And for cosying up at home, lounge about in effortless elegance thanks to Pyjama Room – well, any HMM worth her salt scrub isn’t going to open the door to the endless stream of delivery drivers dropping off her divine purchases looking anything less than slinky and feline, is she?

With that autumnal chill in the air, it’s time for all HMMs to overhaul the beauty regime – in my case, not least because Bronte completely demolished my supplies of Dr Brandt and Chantecaille during the course of a recent sleepover. Little poppet!

She simply refused to be fobbed off with the au pair’s Superdrug-filled vanity case (behind the reprimands Mummy was so proud!). Nevertheless, a trip to Space.NK (their new site is fabulous) is in order.

Finally remember, it’s not all about us...

Heavens no! Our darling husbands have surely suffered almost as much as we have from the rambunctiousness of the holidays, so they deserve a little treat too, no?

Myla, click click... then practice a wicked tinkling laugh and your best come-hither eyes. Well, you want to be able to rely on him to enforce the children’s term-time 8pm bedtime, don’t you?

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